The Big and the Small

            I think life is back to a normal pace now. Which quite honestly, I'm so grateful for! Christmas was great, the Lord showed me over and over again how much He has blessed me with great friends and family. But it was busy... I was constantly on the go, and it definitely had an effect on me. On New Years day, I started getting sick, only to be left over the last almost two and a half weeks fighting a nasty cold. Of course, I have a hard time slowing down, and just taking time to rest, and this has only prolonged my sickness.

          Among the many things I've had going on, we started up with youth group again last weekend. I knew I would have to prepare a lesson, so I literally opened my Bible and started flipping the pages.That's when I came across Exodus, and figured "why not". It was in this moment, I came across  this scripture...

' The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. And when they measured it by the omer, the one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little. Everyone had gathered just as much as they needed'. - Exodus 16:17-18

     There it is, the Isrealites were in the desert and they were griping because there wasn't any food. So, God promises to send Quail in the evening and Manna in the morning. I thought "perfect, we'll talk about God's perfect provision for every little and big thing in our lives". And that's exactly what we talked about. How God provides just what we need, when we need it, and that sometimes, we tend to fall into the trap of greed and complain because we don't think we have enough.

     Well, by Tuesday, I was still really sick, and on top of a nasty cold, my ears were plugged and sore. So, I decided it might be time to break down and go see a doctor. This always poses a problem for me, because I don't have insurance right now, and I just simply hate going to the doctor. But knowing that I wasn't getting better, I decided to listen to wisdom and go. Sure enough, I had an ear infection, which has required an antibiotic, and a steroid. But the thing that was getting to me, was the fact that I was going to have an extra bill to pay this month. I kept reminding myself that God will provide, and one way or another He was going to take care of me.

    As I was waiting in line at the pharmacy, I got a text message from a friend saying that they were going to help me cover the cost of the visit.... Wow, I was, and still am floored! God came through, and even sooner than I had thought. I was reminded, that just two days earlier, I had shared with the youth group about how God always provides perfectly. There is always just enough of what I need, exactly when I need it. If you read all of Exodus chapter 16, you'll see that God did provide for the Isrealites, even though they complained against Him, and didn't fully trust Him, He still provided everyday.

     It's the same with us. I know there are days when I complain that I don't have what I think I need, or I just don't have enough of something, but God is so patient and loving with me, and still gives me exactly what I need, when I need it. In the gospels, Jesus talks about this in several different ways. I love how the author of Luke puts it.

' Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.' - Luke 12:6-7

     This isn't the typical "don't worry God provides" passage, but the words of Jesus are so true. We are worth more than anything else on this earth to God. And He knows our every need.( Let me clarify, I'm not talking about the things we think we need, but our actual needs.) God in all His goodness, provides for us every day the things we need, and He provides for us when we have unforeseen things come into our lives, and He provides when He calls us into something that seems impossible.

   That's how important we are to Him, and that's just how much He loves us! So whatever you have right now that seems way too big, or maybe you're scared that your need will go unmet, give it to God. He knows exactly what and how much you need, and when we listen to Him and seek His wisdom, He always comes through!

A beautiful heart

     

       Something awesome has happened in my nephew and I's relationship. He now loves me! I know this may sound a little silly, but for the first three and a half years of his life, Jayden Roy wanted nothing to do with me. Sure, he was ok if I hugged and loved on him but that had it's limits. In fact, he would prefer pretty much any other adult to me. While this was a blow to my ego, I coped and relished in the love of my niece Skyler.

       But, within the last month or two, it has happened. Jayden loves me! In fact, he's been asking to come and stay the night with me. So after weeks of asking (literally he asked his mom every day for about three weeks), Jayden and I had our first ever sleep over this last Wednesday. While it was a little bit challenging for me, it also allowed me to get a view into the precious heart of my nephew.

     That evening when I got to my sister's house, I had brought along some princess dress up clothes for Skyler. She was so excited to try them on, and this led to an impromptu fashion show in the living room. She tried on dress after dress and danced around the living room in them. She was the picture of little girl bliss in the simple frocks. But it was Jayden that made me beam. With every new dress, Jayden would exclaim "Skyler you are beautiful", before we left, he looked at me and said "Thank you Aunt Nichie for bringing these dresses for Skyler". Wow at three and half years old, Jayden already recognizes true beauty, the beauty that comes from inside and shows outwardly through a face filled with joy. Needless to say, my heart melted.

    At bedtime, after we had prayed, Jayden turned to me and said again "Thank you Aunt Nichie for bringing Skyler those dresses, she loves them, and she is so beautiful." And once again, I turned into  a melty mess. As if this were enough of how sweet this little guy is... On Thursday morning, I had slept very little, and was desperately trying to get things ready for our family gathering that afternoon (so basically I was not in the best of moods and poor Jayden was taking the brunt of it) . I finally got time to take a quick shower, and afterward was dressed in sweats and a tshirt blow drying my hair. Jayden came to the bathroom, looked at me and exclaimed "Aunt Nichie you are beautiful"... Wow talk about feeling great! I had not been so gentle with this little man and yet he still said something so sweet.

It was at this moment that I realized something about Jayden... His sweet and loving spirit has not yet been corrupted by the world's view of beauty. And beyond that, he hasn't known the hurt or humiliation of rejection of his words. He hasn't built up walls, and he doesn't hold back.

My nephew's heart is so precious, and unadulterated, and I am fervently praying that it stays this way. Somewhere along the line men, and let's face it, women lose the ability to recognize the good, and the beauty in each other. And if we don't lose the ability to see it, we come to a place where we won't say it. Or if we do say anything about it, it comes across in either a mean spirited, or joking manner. But the fact is that we all posses not only a beauty of our own, but a beauty that we desire to be recognized. I pray that this ability to see true beauty doesn't go away as Jayden ages. I pray that little heart is protected, and this is something he can carry into adulthood.

There is so much more that I could say about this, and in all honesty, I wanted to brag on my handsome little man. But know this dear friend, you are beautiful. ( If you are a man, then you my friend are handsome), And even when no one else recognizes or acknowledges it, know that God delights in you greatly. I pray that your heart will begin to be restored, and that the Lord will show you how incredibly precious you are to Him.

Big News!!!

I wanted to give you all an update!

So, I ended up making that Big Decision.... and as you may already know, it is leading to a huge change in my life!!!

I'm going to be a full time Missionary in South Africa!!! 

My love for South Africa started in 2010 when I went with my church, and Global Expeditions for a two week long trip. Then I spent the summer of 2011, and 2012 there with Impact Africa. This last summer, I really felt the Lord moving me forward in His calling on my life. So, I followed (feet dragging, questioning, and doubting) and have gotten to this point. 

I got the official acceptance email two weeks ago, and have started the process of finding a Sending Agency. There is a lot of Fundraising to do, and a lot of legwork that will go into this next season of preparation. But I am so excited for what is next! I am looking forward to being part of what God is doing, and joining the work of Impact Africa. 

For more information on Impact Africa, you can visit their website www.impactafrica.org 
If you would like to be a part of my fundraising, or even just a part of my prayer support team please email me at n_yvonne@hotmail.com

Thank you all for your support, and the part you play in this Divine Adventure that God has called me to!! What a joy and privilege it is!

I may be losing my mind.... look a puppy

                 Quite literally within the past few weeks, I have come to this page and contemplated writing something. Then I lose all motivation, and close it again. It's not that God hasn't been working, and that I'm not learning, I think it's more that I don't know how to articulate it. That and I get easily distracted... On top of all of this, I've been in a weird slump. I'm tired, kind of moody, and becoming more and more introverted as the days pass, all while fighting feelings of isolation and loneliness.

The more and more I try to focus, it's like every little thing will pop up and grab my attention. Seriously, I have not paid any attention to offering envelopes at church until today. Did you know that they are the kind you have to lick?!? It makes you feel so silly, "Oh hey I'm going to put my money in here for God, and now, look awesome while I lick this envelope." There really is no dignified way to close those things, unless of course you carry a wet sponge around with you just in case someone has an "envelope emergency".
(This is what happened at church today to me... Ya know time to worship God and instead I have a running commentary on Offering envelopes inside my head... Eesh!)

We all experience seasons of crazy in our lives. Maybe for some of us, it's a season of feeling like you're going crazy! I'm finding that in this season, the more I allow myself to be distracted by things of this world, the easier it is for me to get discouraged. God is my salvation, and He is my hope, where else do I need to look for answers?Where else should I go when I feel like I'm losing my mind? Because of this, I wanted to share some of the things that are currently helping, and have definitely helped in the past.

1. Stay in the Word! 
          I harp on this a lot, but it's so important. The Bible is God breathed, it is absolute truth, and gives life.  
          The stories or men and women of God are encouraging, challenging, and beautiful.


2. What are you listening to?
           Ok seriously, what the heck is on the radio these days? Some of the music being produced and             released can't even be considered music. The lyrics are horrible! And yet we are filling our heads and hearts with it.... By only listening to christian music (which by the way has a lot of variety of genres now! Thank you Lord it's not all the Gathers any more ;) ) I find myself encouraged, happier, and less likely to focus on things of the world.

3. Chill out sister!! 
         I tend to keep busy, and when I don't let myself rest, that's when I become unbearable to live with    (maybe not necessarily for others, but definitely  for myself!) Also this refers to the fact that I have to constantly remind myself that This is just a season of life. It's not forever, and it will pass with time!

4. Lean in real close!!
          The Lord has a reason and purpose for this time! I know it and believe it, so during seasons that seem so uncertain, I know I personally need to continue to lean into God. Keep my eyes open for opportunities to learn and grow, allow myself to be humbled, even when it's a little painful! David said it beautifully in  Psalm 25:15
"My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only He will release my feet from the snare."

Only God can take us safely from one season to the next, and when we rely on Him and Him alone to be our  direction, strength, and peace in times of crazy, we are safe, and will come out better than when we went in!

It also helps if you just continue to remind yourself that this life is One Big Crazy Adventure, and this is just a part of it!!

Decision making

So, I have been putting off making a pretty big decision. It's like I know my decision, I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't want to do it. I've noticed, however that this effects my  motivation in so many other areas of life. I'm  less motivated to exercise, clean, and by the lack of a blog in quite a while, anything extra.

I do believe however, that I've discovered what the root of my problem is. I'm afraid of failing, afraid of falling on my face, and letting people down. I look at it and realize that this decision will literally change everything about my life, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle that. I also struggle with the idea of even being good enough to handle it. Am I really equipped and ready for this? Is there more I should be doing now?

It's in these moments, I wish I had my dad the most. Needing his wisdom, and straight talk, as well as his encouragement. In moments of self pity, I hear the Lord saying "I've got this, rest in me first. I am all you need."  And yet I still struggle, I still doubt. So then everything else suffers because of it.

I wish I had a great answer, or solution. Something that I could share with you about this journey, but I don't yet.  I just know that during this season, I will wait on the Lord. And maybe I'll get some great break through. But in the meantime, I would like to ask you to pray for me. Pray for wisdom and clarity.

Thank you so much for your love and support, and I hope to be able to report soon with my decision!

Dang.... That's Love

 And the Lord said to Moses: “You are going to rest with your ancestors, and these people will soon prostitute themselves to the foreign gods of the land they are entering. They will forsake me and break the covenant I made with them." - Deuteronomy 31:16

 Here it is, Moses is standing before the Lord, his journey with the Isrealites is coming to an end. His life is soon going to be over, and all he has is the promise of being able to look upon the land that the Isrealites are going to inherit. He has just commissioned Joshua to lead the people into the promised land, the land that he himself will not enter. 

What a moment. I can't even imagine what Moses was thinking, feeling, experiencing within this time. Then God says "Hey I know I'm going to give the people this land, and I know right now everything is good. I am their only God, they are focused on me and my gifts... but they will rebel." 

Oh the knot that must have formed in Moses' stomach. To know that the people he had been leading are going to finally receive the promises of God, and yet they are going to turn around and mess it up by turning to other gods. In fact God says "they will prostitute themselves to foreign gods..." that's a deep level of idolatry if you ask me.

But what is so amazing to me in this verse, is that God still takes them into the land...
When the trumpets sounded, the army shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the men gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so everyone charged straight in, and they took the city. They devoted the city to the Lord and destroyed with the sword every living thing in it—men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys- Joshua 6:20-21

God gave Israel the victory! He brought them into the land He had promised their forefathers,  not only did he give them the land, but he allowed them to completely defeat the people. Despite the knowledge of Israel's future rebellion, God still makes good on His promise. 

This completely blows my mind, because it continued to happen all through out the Bible. God promised a savior, a Messiah, and even when people rejected Him, God still used Jesus. Jesus, although beaten, abused, and mocked, still died for us. And even today, as Christ followers, how often do we forget where our salvation comes from? How often do we look at our victories, and triumphs and forget the God who fought the battle for us, and yet during our trials, we cry out and ask where He is.

Yet despite all of this, God still Loves us... He not only loves us, He continues to pour out grace and mercy on us day after day. We wake up with breath in our lungs, the very breath of God moving in and out of our bodies... Dang that's love... We are no longer under condemnation of hell, because Jesus died in our places... That's a BIG love.... We are called children of God, chosen and dearly loved by the creator of the Universe... That's Love! 

I am so overwhelmed at times by the sheer beauty and greatness of God's never ending, never changing love for me. The fact that I daily fail Him, and yet He still says to me "come here daughter, I love you, and you are still mine, nothing you can do will change that. And even though you messed up, I still want to use you. Do you see what I've placed before you, I know it seems hard, and even impossible, but here's the deal I'm going to do this with you, you aren't alone. And I will give you grace along the way to make it through." 

God Loves you so much! He wants to daily pour out His grace on you, and He has a BIG and amazing purpose for you. He wants to give you His good promises, it just takes a willingness to come before Him and recognize your need for His saving Grace in your life. You my friend are dearly loved.... 

Watch my back, I'm going into battle

One of my very favorite times during the week in South Africa was Discipleship. On Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, we would meet in a house with a group of Africans to have a Bible Study, Small group, whatever you would like to call it. It was encouraging to see people growing in their faith, as well as their understanding of Christ. But I think the thing that struck a chord with my heart the most, was the community, or faith family that was being formed.

As the church, we have tried to supplement the need for community with "small groups" that meet once a week. Sometimes we'll really see a group become a family. They end up spending more than just their once a week meeting together. They become a faith family, praying together, eating together, all as they begin to live out the Acts 2 church. But the majority of groups are a once a week meeting and that's it. This is so sad to me. The church is meant to be a living, breathing, organism that consists of all the parts living together, constantly in communication. We are called to share each other's burdens, to walk along side of each other, and yet this is an area we fail the most. 

It really struck a chord for me today while I was watching the show "Amish: Out of Order", a series about people who have left the Amish community. If you don't know this, I have a secret love of the Amish community, but that's a blog for another day ;). During the show, Mose, one of the main guys the series focus on, was meeting with John a fellow ex-amish. John had invited Mose to meet with him and some of his friends, to help Mose process through some of the issues of his past. 

While the group of men were sitting around the table, Mose was really struggling through this process, when John reached across the table and took his hand. He looked in Mose's eyes and said "we are here, and we will fight this battle for you, if you will let us"... I began to cry, moved by the love and sincerity of this man. Then the question came to my mind "When did the church forget this concept?"  Why don't we look into our brother's and sisters eyes and say "I'm here, I will fight this battle with you, side by side, and if I have to, I will fight it for you." Instead we say "I'll pray for you", and then totally forget to even do that. 

How off track have we gotten? One of my dear friends, Crystal told me once "I need to know how I can pray for you, so that I can be guarding your back as you are going into battle". What a beautiful picture. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we are charging on into battle, knowing the victory is won, but yet we run hand in hand, holding up shields for each other as fiery arrows are being slung into our ranks. But instead we often try to run in alone. "Just me and Jesus, we got this" but that's not how God created us. He created us to be a part of a community, or better yet a part of an army. An army that fights for each other, not just once a week, but daily, hourly, and moment to moment. Paul said it this way 

 "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.  Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:1-2

He's saying"Go in and fight along side this person with whatever it is they are dealing with. In this way, you will be obeying the second greatest commandment 'Love your neighbor as yourself'. Get into the dirty and grimy areas of life, don't be afraid of the scary and dark corners. Just get in there and fight!"  

I began to see this develop in the discipleship group I had the privilege to work with this summer. These people began to learn how to live in community, they were learning how to pray for one another, also how to answer each others questions. What a beautiful picture of God's intentions for us. 

My prayer is that we will all learn how to truly live in community, and not only that, but that we will learn how to fight for each other, because dangit we're all fighting a hard battle. And if I don't have my sister watching my back, and if I'm not watching hers, one of us is going to get hit. And we don't do well alone, because that's not how God created us to be...